While touring an old Roman prison the first tourist says: "Listen to this. It says here that in some old Roman prisons they have unearthed the petrified remains of some of the prisoners."

Second tourist: "Gracious, that must be where the name 'hardened criminals' originated."

"Yes," said the lawyer to his client. "You have got the best case I have ever heard."

"Thanks," said the client, grabbing up his coat and heading out the door.

"Where are you going?" ask the astonished lawyer.

"I'm going to settle this case out of court," said the leaving client.

"But I told you it is the best case I have ever heard?"

"Maybe," began the client, "but not for me, I told you the other fellow's case."

Uncle Jack drove up to the drug store in high distress. He stamped into the store, talking to himself.

"Are you the fresh young fellow that sold me this this stuff yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?" Uncle Jack inquired of the clerk.

"Yes sir," replied the clerk.

"Well, this morning I tried for half and hour, and I'll be darned if it would make my teeth stick in!"

A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.

With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court."

"My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."