Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood...

...then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

I'm just trying to find a happy medium

My wife gave me an ultimatum.

It was her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly, and three polars...

It's the bear minimum.

My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him...

"If you tickle a man to death by accident... is it manslaughter???