Before crowbars were invented...

...most crows drank at home by themselves.

I've never been married...

... but I've had a few near Mrs.!!!

Two drunk guys were fighting.

One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.

That was the punchline.

My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep...

She is infringing on my right to bear arms!