My pet mouse Elvis died today...

He was caught in a trap.

My wife and I just celebrated her 32nd birthday yesterday.

It was the fastest birthday party we’ve ever had.

I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I don't feel I'm fit enough for the job...

I’ve handed in my 'Too Weak' notice.

I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of Cheddar at me.

Outraged, I shouted: “Well that’s not very mature, is it?!”