My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.

They banged and shouted, "Can we have a little respect please?"

I shouted back, "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this one’s for you!"

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.

She said, “Wear your own then.”

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says: "You must be single?”

The man replied: “Wow how did you know that?”

Cashier: “Because you’re not that good looking.”

I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, "Do you mind if I put some music on?"

I said, "Not at all."

He said, "Kiss?"

I said, "Let's listen to the music first, then see how we feel."