My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle.

If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces.

I asked a librarian if they had any books on "different noise levels"....

The librarian said, "Sure, what volume would you like?"

Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?

It was about a weak back.

Me: "The kids haven’t eaten their sandwiches."

Wife: "Okay, just throw them out."

[Later]

Me (helping the kids pack a suitcase): “Look, I’m just as surprised as you are.”