Dad to his son: “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!”
Son: “Go on, then.”
Dad growls: “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son: “Dad, that’s Superman!”
Dad: “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called “One Two Three”, the other “Un Deux Trois”.
Which cat won?
“One Two Three” because “Un Deux Trois” cat sank.
Man: I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy: I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man: Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy: Because bank directors are always highly paid.
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”