Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.

Man: Wait! I can explain everything.

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.

He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.

I asked her, "What should I do to stop my addiction?"

She said, "Hey, whatever means necessary."

"No, no it doesn't," I said.

Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you...

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.