The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing.

It’s on the house.

What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.

I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun. I said to keep warm.

She asked, "How warm is it inside?"

I said, "Lukewarm."