A barhopping fellow, four sheets to the wind, stumbles into a bar and declares "I'm buying everyone in the bar a drink! Line 'em up, bartender!"

So the bartender pours everyone a drink, and frivolity commences until the bartender says to that first guy, "OK, that'll be $210."

The drunk guy says, "I don't have that kind of money!"

The bartender throws him out. A few minutes later, the drunk staggers back into the bar. This time he says, "I'm buying everyone in this bar a drink! Except for you bartender, when you drink, you get nasty."

Last night, my wife and I watched two movies back to back.

Fortunately for me, I was the one who was facing the television.

Yesterday, I was in the kitchen planning dinner, and noticed that the clock had stopped. That really put me behind for my day, so today I decided that I'd better stop at the store for a AA battery.

I found a clerk, and said "Please point me to where the batteries are, I need one in my kitchen."

The clerk asked, "Is it for a clock?"

I said, "I don't know, that's why I need a battery."