If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get?

Answer: Away!

Eureka!

I've discovered a machine that produces love, wealth, death, health, failure and success via sound waves.

I've named it The Rumor Mill!

After smattering a bazillion flying insects on his Jeep windshield, Harvey came to a stoplight. That very moment another sacrificial bug arrives —

“Mr. Harvey, I beg of you... spare my life and I’ll wash your windshield every day for a year!”

"Nah, I don’t think so," states Harvey.

“Why the heck not?” responds the bug.

‘Well, it’s my wife’s car, and she could use the exercise.”

Busily texting his girlfriend while hiking along the Colorado River, our fearless trail guide stumbled over a tree root and went flying head-over-heels into a patch of prickly pear cactus.

He tried to shrug off the episode, but for the rest of the expedition, we fondly referred to him as our 'Trip Leader!'