Hospital Nurse: "You say financial difficulties brought you here?"

Patient: "Yes. I saw my tailor coming, crossed the road to avoid him, and halfway across I saw another creditor on the other side. I did not know what to do, I hesitate and then dove under a car."

A graverdigger, walking in the streets of a small town chanced to turn and noticed two doctors walking behind him. He stopped until they passed and then followed on behind them.

"And why this?" asked the doctors.

"I know my place in this procession," he said.

"Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine."

"It helped you, did it?" asked the doctor very much pleased.

"It helped me wonderfully."

"How many bottles did you find it necessary to take?"

"Oh, I didn't take any of it. My uncle took one bottle, and I am his sole heir."

"Now then, Tommy Brown," said the teacher, "I want to set you a little problem. Suppose there were five children and their mother had only four potatoes to share between them. She wants to give each child an equal share. How would she do it?"

"Mash the potatoes," said the boy.