"Are you an actress, auntie?"

"No darling, why do you ask?"

"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."

Him: "Your little brother just saw me kiss you. What can I give him to keep him from telling your parents?

Her: "He generally gets 5 dollars."

Jack had a oral hygiene problem for years but all of his friends were afraid to tell him because it would probably hurt his feelings they thought.

One day in our science class, we were paired together. Our station was missing it's microscope so Jack asked me to get one from elsewhere that was not being used. I came back to the our work station and handed him a .5 ounce bottle of mouthwash.

"What is this?" Jack asked. "I asked for a Microscope."

I replied, "I didn't give you what you wanted, but I gave you what everybody knows you need. A small bottle of Scope mouthwash. So I gave you a micro 'Scope'."