Took my first shot today! So excited, and my next one is in 2 weeks.

It was a hard choice with so many options.

I chose the tequila one.

I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning...

Now I feel like a good boy.

I sat in my hair stylist's chair and said, “Make me look sexy!”

She then got drunk.

Teacher: What kind of wife would you like Johnny?

Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon.

Teacher: Wow! What a choice...Do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?

Johnny: No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning.