Wayne, who has been impatiently waiting for a friend: "Where have you been all afternoon?"

Friend: "I just saw the movie 'Henry the Sixteenth'."

Wayne: "You mean 'Henry the Eight', where did you get 'Henry the Sixteenth'?"

Friend: "I sat through it twice."

During the vows at the wedding the minister asks the bride to be, "Do you take this man to be your wedded husband for better or worse?"

The bride answers, "Just as he is Father. If he gets any better, I know the Lord will take him, and if he gets any worse, I'll tend to him myself."

Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money, half his friends don't know him anymore."

Her: "And the other half?"

Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."

After reviewing Little Johnny's report card, Johnny's mother gave praise for the marks he received except for one class. "Johnny, I wish you would pay a little attention to your arithmetic."

"Well I do," Johnny replied. "I pay as little attention to arithmetic as possible."