My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start, but I made it!

An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...

... just kidding, they know better.