At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.

"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."

"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman. "But think of how surprised I am, I'm her mother!"

Einstein finally finished his theory of relativity...

It’s about time!

“I love my job,” a farmer says out loud.

A sheep replies, “Ha! All you do is boss me around all day!”

The farmer, clearly upset by this responds, “What did you just say?”

The sheep replies, “You herd me!”

My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she’s sangria then ever!