Teacher: What is a synonym?

Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!

Salesman: "Madam, do you want this powder?"

Housewife: "For what?"

Salesman: "For ants."

Housewife: "No. If I give powder today, they will ask for lipstick tomorrow."

Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead.

He didn't return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our phone machine click on.

"Hi," a voice said. "This is Dad. I'm locked out of the house."