A man had recently moved and was filling out forms at his local police station:

Q: Has your driver's license ever been suspended or revoked?

"No, never."

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a DUI?

"Oh yes, lots of times!"

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a driving-related felony?

"Yeah, three of them."

At this point, the officer stopped to ask: "Well wait a minute, if you have all of these DUIs and felonies, how come your license has never been suspended or revoked?"

The man responds: "Never got one."

You know it's just too hot when...

1. Fireflies are asking you to put them out.

2. Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

3. Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

4. Your sweatpants are sweating and you're not even wearing them!

5. The thermometer resigned.

6. The National Weather Service says its too hot to declare a heat advisory.

What is a foot fetishist’s favorite snack?

Free-toes