Yesterday my spouse was berating me for checking my email all day as I work from home.

"You know," she complained, "I think that work rules your life."

"No dear," I replied, "you rule my life... I just prefer work."

They told me, "Follow your dreams..."

So I went back to bed.

A robber breaks into a house and ties up the woman and man.

The robber asks where the jewels are and the guy responds with: "I'll give you everything! Please, let her go..."

Robber: "I only care about the jewels! I won't hurt you if you give me what I want..."

Guy: "I BEG you, let her go!"

Robber: "Wow, you must really love your wife..."

Guy: "What? Oh no, my wife is about to get home!"