I took Buzz Lightyear Christmas shopping with me.

We went to Bed, Bath & Beyond!

An emergency call: "Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!"

Operator: "Where?"

Caller: "No, a regular one!"

Why can’t you breed an eel with an eagle?

It’s Eeleagle.

My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection.

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.