A sweater I bought was picking up too much static electricity.

So I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

I saw a contractor's truck that offered free quotes.

So I asked for one.

He said, "To be or not to be, that is the question."

Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they spotted a tree draped in bacon strips.

"We're saved!" shouted one cowboy. But when he ran up to the tree, he was shot multiple times.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

A man walks into a bar and orders the latest, seasonal beer.

He takes one gulp and nearly chokes. “This beer goes down like sandpaper!” he yells.

“Of course,” replies the bartender, “it’s only a rough draft.”