As a college graduate, I don't intend to spend the rest of my life being a waiter.

But it puts food on the table.

My son and I were walking our small dog when he took off after a duck and jumped into the river. A nearby German tourist jumped into the river to save our dog.

When he'd climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog. Dry him off, keep him varm and he vill be fine.”

We thanked him profusely, and my son asked him, "Are you a vet?"

"VET?" he exclaimed. "I am soaking!"

When I’m asked how I like retirement, I tried telling a few jokes...

But none of them worked.