A nervous passenger decided to purchase flight insurance at the ticket counter. She had some time before the flights departure, so she stopped in a Chinese restaurant in the concourse. She started to shake as she read her fortune cookie: “today’s investment will pay big dividends!”

The flight attendant was pointing out to passengers that their seats could be removed and used as floatation devices. One woman, on her first flight, said, “I’d prefer to be sitting on a parachute!’

A man seating on a window seat discovered two engines on fire. He began to holler, two engines on fire! Two engines on fire! The passengers began to panic. Suddenly the pilot ran from the cockpit with a parachute on his back. “Don’t worry”! He yelled. I’m going for help!

It was only her second date with a diehard baseball fan, and Sally was a little nervous. It was her fault they arrived at the ballpark a full hour after the game had started. Taking her seat, Sally glanced up at the scoreboard. It was a tight pitcher’s battle, bottom of the fifth, 0-0. “Look, John,” she exclaimed with relief, “we haven’t missed a thing.”