A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool.

He was poised, he lifted his arms, and was about to dive in when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive, there’s no water in that pool!”

“That’s all right!” said the man. “I can’t swim!”

Two truck drivers came to a low bridge. The clearance sign said 10 feet 8 inches. When they got out and measured their truck, they discovered their vehicle was eleven feet. The first man looked at the other and said, “I can’t see any cops around. Let’s go for it!”

A couple arrived at the boarding gate just in time to see their plane taking off. The husband was angry to have missed the plane. “If you weren’t so slow in getting ready,” he complained to his wife, “we wouldn’t have missed the plane.” “And if you wouldn’t have rushed me, we wouldn’t have so long to wait until the next flight,” she replied.

To get away from their high-stress jobs, a couple enjoyed spending weekends relaxing in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, their came up with a plan to assure themselves some privacy. When they set up camp, they placed this sign on the door of their RV: “Insurance Agent. Ask about our term life package”