You know your doctor is too old when you look at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!

An aspiring actor calls his agent from the set of his first film. He is playing the lead role for the first time in his career. “How’s it going?” the agent asks. “It’s amazing!” the actor gushes. “The director told me that my performance is making him consider two films with me.” “Two?” he agent replies. “Yeah,” the actor says, “my first and my last.”

A football fan is a guy who’ll yell at the quarterback for not spotting an open receiver forty-five yards down the field...

... And then head for the parking lot and not be able to find his own car!

The company’s management team put their heads together to decide how to reduce the high employee turnover rate.

“They spend their first six or eight weeks learning our system, then they join another company,” complained one executive.

“Yes, but doesn’t that at least speak highly of our training program?” chirped an optimistic colleague.