At the movie theater, a young man returning to his seat taps the arm of a woman in the last seat in the row. “Excuse me,” he says, “but did I step on your toe on the way out?”

“As a matter of fact, you did,” says the woman, expecting an apology.

“Oh good,” says the man, “then this is my row.”

“Grandpa, do you mind if I play my new harmonica in here?” asked little Phil.

“Of course not, Phil. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life."

“What happened?” asked Phil.

"Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.”

“How about you?”

“Me? Well, I accompanied her on the piano!”

You know your doctor is too old when you look at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!

An aspiring actor calls his agent from the set of his first film. He is playing the lead role for the first time in his career. “How’s it going?” the agent asks. “It’s amazing!” the actor gushes. “The director told me that my performance is making him consider two films with me.” “Two?” he agent replies. “Yeah,” the actor says, “my first and my last.”