During dinner, Little Johnny's mother catches him feeding the dog under the table. "Johnny," she says sternly. "You know very well that you're not supposed to feed the dog at the table!"

"I'm sorry, Mom." Johnny replies.

"All is well," his mother replies. "Now, do you know why we have that rule in the house?"

Johnny muses for a moment, then replies, "I guess it's 'cause if the dog doesn't like the food I give him, the food'll get left on the floor and eventually rot."

At 3:00 in the morning, Laura woke up and gently tapped her husband on the shoulder. "Hector, wake up, wake up!"

"Huhh?" Hector replied groggily. "What is it?"

"It's the baby."

Hector sat up a bit and listened for about a minute. "But I don't hear him crying."

"Yes," Laura replied. "And it's your turn to find out why."

Joan: "I'm looking for a golden anniversary gift for my husband."

Lisa: "But haven't you only been married fifteen years?"

Joan: "Yes, but it feels like fifty!"

A patient about to go in for surgery at a small hospital was very nervous. Noticing his concern, the head surgeon traipsed up to him and said, "Don't worry, in all of my experience as a surgeon, only one other patient has died."

"Really?" the patient replied, already beginning to feel a little reassured. "How many other patients have you had?"

"You're my second," the surgeon replied.