A farmer suddenly went into a coma one day, upon which his wife quickly called the doctor. Upon examining the farmer, the doctor sadly shakes his head and tsks. "I'm very sorry, ma'am, but I'm afraid he's gone. I'll call the funeral home in a moment."

Upon arriving, the morticians carefully placed the body on a stretcher and carried it down the porch steps. As they began to round the corner of the house, the lead barer suddenly lurched to avoid the edge of the fence, lost his balance, and dropped his end of the stretcher. The sudden jolt brought the farmer back to consciousness; in about a week, he'd made a full recovery and went back to working on the farm.

Seven years later, the farmer went into a coma again; the doctor sadly told his wife that the farmer was truly dead this time. As the undertakers came to take the body, his wife whispered, "Watch out for the fence this time."

Taxi driver: "That will be $3.50, please."

Passenger: "Oh dear, I'm afraid I'm a little short. Could you back up a little bit and make it $2.50, please?"

The manager of a restaurant called his wait staff together. "Okay, everyone," he said. "I want you all to look your best today. Greet every customer you see with a smile and a kind word."

One of the waiters raised an eyebrow curiously. "What's the occasion? Do we have some important people visiting?"

The manager replied, "No, the bread's stale today."