Favorite this joke Three very mischievous old ladies are sitting on a park bench when they see an old man walk by. "Say, fella," the first lady says. "I bet we can guess your age."
The man pauses and looks at them skeptically. "Guess my age? that's impossible."
"C'mon, we'll show you," the second lady says. "First, we'll need to look up your nose." Embarrassed by the notion but wondering if the ladies truly knew something, the old man walks over and lifts his head, enabling them to look right up his nose.
"Okay, now stick one finger up your nose, one finger in your ear, cross your eyes and sing Danny Boy in a loud voice." the third lady says. The man then does so; the ladies muse for a few moments, before saying, "You are 87 years old."
"Why, that's incredible," the man gasps. "That's absolutely right! Tell me, how were you able to tell?" He had silently wondered how all of these seemingly random methods had enabled the ladies to find out his age.
The ladies reply, "We were at your birthday party."
Principal: "Billy, is it true that you called the teacher a big meanie?"
Billy: "Yes I did."
Principal: "And did you call her a wicked old witch?"
Billy: "Yes I did."
Principal: "And did you call her a wicked old witch?"
Billy: "No, but I'll remember that for next time!"
How does Harry Potter get to the bottom of a hill?
By running... JK, Rolling!
A snake goes to the optometrist one day. "I've been having a bit of trouble with my eyesight lately," he says. "And it's been making it very difficult for me to chase and catch rats."
The optometrist then gives him an eye test and prescribes a pair of glasses; the snake then thanks the optometrist and leaves. A few months later, the snake comes back for a check up and the optometrist asks him how his new glasses have been.
"Oh, wonderful!" the snake replies happily. "I can see better than ever now and my rat catching prowess has more than doubled! However... now I'm depressed."
"Depressed?" the optometrist asks, perplexed. "Why?"
"Well, since I got them, I found out that I'd been in love with a garden hose all this time."
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