Little Susie: "What do ya want for Christmas this year, Tommy?"

Little Tommy: "A calendar."

Little Susie (surprised): "A calendar, why's that?"

Little Tommy: "'Cause last week I pretended to be sick so I could stay home from school, and then I found out it was Saturday."

Principal: "Now Tyler, why weren't you in class today? I want an explanation, and I want the truth."

Tyler: "Well, which would you rather have?"

Fred was about to go on a hunting trip when he noticed his 21 year old son Jack walking up to him. "Hey Dad," Jack asked. "Can I go hunting with you?" Fred had many reservations about this, but reluctantly agreed.

Upon arriving at the hunting site, Fred carefully sat Jack safely up in the tree stand and told him, "If you see a deer, aim carefully and I'll run back as soon as I hear the shot." Jack obliged as Fred then left. Not ten minutes had passed when Fred suddenly heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Fred started running back; as he drew closer, he began to hear his son shouting, "Hey, get away from my deer!" Bewildered, Fred ran faster towards his screaming son, hearing another cry of, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Upon reaching the area, Fred was surprised to see a man with his hands in the air, standing across from his son. The man trembled a bit, then said, "Okay, you can have your deer, just let me take my saddle off of it first."