A young nurse is watching an operation for the first time. "Excuse me, please," she asks the doctor. "But what are you doing?"

"This woman swallowed a golf ball," he replies. "And we're trying to remove it from her throat."

Noticing a worried looking woman seated outside, the nurse then asks, "And is she the patient's mother?"

"Actually," the doctor replies. "That's her golfing partner and she's waiting to finish the game."

Joey: "Ew, this meatloaf is terrible!"

Lunch lady: "Terrible? Why, I've been making meat loaves like this since before you were born."

Joey: "Well, why did you have to save one for me?"

A woman walks into a fabric shop and says, "May I have three yards of Satan, please? I'm making a dress for my sister."

"I believe you mean satin, ma'am," the shopkeeper replies. "Satan is something that looks like the devil."

"Oh, then you've seen my sister!"

Little Billy: "Mommy got mad at me today."

Little Susie: "Really? Why?"

Little Billy: "This morning she said, 'I wish I had some new clothes. If people came to visit, they'd think I was the cook.' An' I said, 'They wouldn't think that for long if they stayed for dinner.'"