I met the girl of my dreams at church yesterday. While we were rhythmically and repeatedly singing the same words over and over again to a hypnotic drum beat, we both landed eyes on each other from across the room. I guess you could say we met by chants.

Of all my wife's relatives, the only ones I can stand to be around are her in-laws.

Two cannibals decided to go mountain climbing. They gathered up their gear, and in case they got hungry they packed up a bunch of body parts to munch on. Things were going quite well until they reached a crevice in the trail they were on. Even though it was only 3 feet wide, looking down they saw that it was a 1000 foot drop to the bottom.

"I suppose we could try to jump across, it's only 3 feet," said Rasheed.

"I don't think that's wise," replied Anwar. "One slip, and it's certain death. Wait! I have an idea!" Rustling through his knapsack, he grabs a severed leg and lays it across the gaping fissure.

"What are you planning to do with that?" asked Rasheed.

Answered Anwar, "I'm going out on a limb!"

Know a sure way to bug your wife or girlfriend?

When they ask you that loaded question, "How do I look?", just say, "With your eyes."