Kid: Why is some of your hair white dad?

Dad: Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.

Kid: Now I understand why grandpa’s hair is all white!

There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.

The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says, "A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"

The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says, "A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"

The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"