A man walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful woman and says, " Hi I'm Dave".
She looks at him and says, "I know Dave, we went to high school together".

He says, "I would have remembered you from high school."
She says, "Dave, it's me Richard. I'm a woman now."

Dave looks at her in disbelief, "Wow, well they did a good job! Did it hurt when they gave you those breast?"

"No, they just gave me some pills to make them grow bigger."
"Well did it hurt when they uh, you know, down there?"

"No, its a pretty routine surgery now, just had a little discomfort. I have to tell you the worst pain with the whole thing is when they stuck a vacuum in my ear and sucked out half of my brain."

I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.

New way of writing answers in exams

If you don’t know the answer, then put lines like this:

||||||||||

and write below: “Scratch here for ANSWERS”.

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class, my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now ...