How do computers get drunk?

They take screenshots!

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."

The mother said, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

"Thanks, Mom," the boy replied. "But my aim is much better than yours."

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They're both Paris-sites!

A real estate agent was showing a woman through a beautiful room at the top of a large hotel.

"Now in this wing we have the master bedroom, bath, and den."

The woman interrupted suspiciously, "And den what?"