Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

*Nobody stands up

Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

*Little Johnny stands up

Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

An old man was LYING IN HIS DEATH bed upstairs. His favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath he was sure he could smell freshly-backed chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shacking hand towards the cookies.

Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DONT TOUCH THOSE - THEY' RE FOR THE FUNERAL!!!"

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”