Turn your next trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge...

You do that by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking.

A woman was talking to a co-worker, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything away, I am always going around the house cleaning up after him."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked, "Did it help?"

Her co-worker replied, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

So grateful somebody invented window blinds...

Or it would be curtains for all of us!

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. My wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, as you can see my suit is still damp, ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Gregson's helicopter, landed on top of his skyscraper, and ran over here."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."