Two years ago a man and woman had just won the lottery. He was at work when the lottery office phoned their home to inform them of the win. His wife was very worried because the man had just recovered from a heart attack and she wondered what would happen if he found out about it too abruptly.

So, she called the pastor and asked if he could talk to the man and slowly lead into telling him the news. He agreed and said he would be there as soon as possible. When the man got home the pastor asked if they could go for a walk. While they were walking the pastor began by asking, "What would you do if you won the lottery?"

The man replied, "Why, I'd give it all to the church."

The pastor dropped dead on the spot.

The train was about to pull out of the station. A young man ran towards it and managed to throw his bag in and climb aboard just in time.

A fellow passenger looked at him and said, "Young man, you should be in better shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and still be fresh. Look at you, panting away."

The young man took a deep breath and said, "I missed this train at the last station."

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears.

"What are you?" asks the cat.

"A gnome," comes the reply. "I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?"

The cat replies, "Um, I guess I'm a gnome."

There is a guy who has a dog that doesn't obey him. He gets a recommendation for a great dog trainer and decides to go there. The dog owner walks in the room and asks, "Can you train my dog?"

The trainer replies, "Well, I can train your dog, and I will give you a quick demonstration of how I work."

He dumps a box full of bones on the floor and blows a whistle. A dog comes in and makes a skeleton with the bones.

"Wow!" says the dog owner, "What kind of dog is that?"

"That's a nurse's dog," responds the trainer.

Then he blows the whistle again and a second dog comes in the room. That dog makes a big building.

The dog owner says, "Wow! What kind of dog is that?"

"That's an architect's dog," replies the trainer.

Then the trainer blows the whistle again and a third dog comes in. That dog takes all the bones and runs away.

"What kind of dog is that?" says the dog owner.

"That's a lawyer's dog."