A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation:

Doctor: "Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water."

Woman: "Okay."

Doctor: "Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water."

Woman: "Okay."

Doctor: "Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water."

After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks, "Can you tell me what's wrong with me, doctor?"

Doctor: "Yeah. You don't drink enough water."

Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: "Danger! Do Not Touch!"

Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.

Inside were 25 signs that read: Danger! Do Not Touch!

Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”

“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”

“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”

“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball lottery.