Thanksgiving Day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."

"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied. "Then why is their dad carrying that rifle?"

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice.

But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough."

"Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?"

"You're supposed to cook it?" he said.

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400. I said, "I'd like large bills, please."

She looked at me, confused, and said, "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."