In a very exclusive private school near California's Silicon Valley, a third-grade teacher was lecturing her upper high-class students about the less fortunate. She asked them each to write an essay about a poor family in the area.

One young girl's paper began:

"Once upon a time there was a poor family. The father was poor. The mother was poor. The children were poor. The nannies were poor. The pool man was poor. The personal trainer was poor. The gardeners were poor. This was a very poor family."

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"

The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

The man turned and looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."

The custodian of a church quit. The pastor of the church asked the organist if she would be able also to clean the church sanctuary.

The organist thought before replying, ”Do you mean that I know have to mind my keys and pews?”

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale.

Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.