A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.

"Doc, there's something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?"

"Sure," the doctor said. "You have way too much time on your hands."

I was recently out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers, followed by a couple of bottles of red wine and then a few vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was just slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi.

On the way home, there was a police roadblock. But since it was a taxi, they waved it past, and I arrived safely home without incident. This was a real surprise to me.

Why?

Well, because I had never driven a taxi before.

"Can I have a cigarette?" Jill asked.

"I thought you quit smoking," Mary said

"I'm in the process of quitting," Jill said. "Right now I am in the middle of phase one."

"What's phase one?" Mary asked.

"I've quit buying," Jill replied.

I just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married...

I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?