Maury and his wife showed up to a very popular restaurant, but it was very crowded. Mrs. Maury went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?"

The hostess appeared to ignore her and kept writing in her book. So she asked again, "How much of a wait?"

The hostess then looked up and said, "About ten minutes."

A short time later they heard an announcement over the loudspeaker, "Willete B. Long, your table is ready."

A middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only six month's to live because of a terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up.

The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".

Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"

A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two chairs provided for men outside the ladies fitting room in our local department store. After 30 minutes and 6 changes of outfits, the fellow's wife came out of the changing room one more time. He looked at her and immediately said, "That looks great on you! Get that one."

"Honey," she replied, "this is what I was wearing when we came in."

The official glossary to running late...

"On the way..." - Still in bed.

"In the car..." - In the shower.

"GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready.

"There's traffic..." - Leaving the house.

"Parking now..." - 15 minutes out.

"Can't find a spot..." - 5 minutes out.

"Walking in..." - Looking for a spot.