"Why did they arrest you?"

"They said I was shopping too early."

"Well, that's not a crime. How early were you shopping?"

"Before the store opened."

One snowman asks another, "Do you smell carrots?"

Husband: Why is the food cold and bland?

Wife: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and cows, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws!"