"What's your favorite childhood memory?"

"Not paying bills."

Teacher: Why are you late, John?

John: Because of the sign down the road.

Teacher: What does sign have to do with you being late?

John: The sign said 'School Ahead, Go SLOW!'

Hey Dad, can you pass the salt?

I don't know, son, can you pass the semester?

A thief broke into my house last night... He started searching for money...

So I woke up and searched with him.