A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.

"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"

"You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..."

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...BUMP BUMP BUMP!

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything... all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin.

Suddenly, the coffin stopped.

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work.

When confronted by his boss the man explained, "You can't park anywhere near this place!"

We were driving in my friend Larry's new car. I asked him about its features.

He listed the usual, then added: "It tells me to slow down as I approach the speed limit. It warns me when I have to stop. It points out solid no-passing lines."

I expressed my amazement.

"But," he explained, "these features work only when my wife is in the car."