I don't worry about getting older anymore...

I find I still do dumb stuff, only slower.

The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive. "I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."

"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."

"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."

At 8 p.m. one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because they wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and he was not a spy.

The interrogation lasted all night. At 6 a.m. they refueled his plane and let him go with his promise never to return. Four hours later he returned and landed again. Security met him on the runway. They asked him why he had come back.

"I know I promised never to return but I brought my wife and now you have to tell her where I was all night..."

The other day I was in a hurry to go outside...

In my haste I ran into the screen door and strained myself!