As a way to compensate for their absence, a group of golfing buddies decided to all pitch in twenty bucks and one with the best golf score would take their wife dancing and dinner. The wives liked this idea since it was more than they had before.

Fred's wife was especially wanting him to win and the moment he returned after golfing she excitedly asked, "Are we having a special dinner tonight Fred?"

"Yes we are my dear, how does Peking Duck sound?"

She said, "That sounds great."

Fred replied, "Good, while driving over the pond on the 7th hole, I accidentally hit one. All we need now is the recipe."

Teacher: "Robotics leader Dr. Finkle Goomba claims working robots will be ready for household use within a year though. He also added, 'They won’t be up to true human capability by that time.'"

Little Johnny: "It won’t work until they get to full capability. There is no way my dad would ever pay for a teenager."

Patient: I was born C-Section and every time I leave my house I constantly fight the urge to go out the window.

Doctor: On a scale of one to ten how bad is this problem?

Patient: I’d have to say a ten considering I live on the 88th floor of a high rise.

Billy: Though my Aunt is very dear to me the truth is, no one likes her homemade pudding except you Johnny. Tell me why you always get a double helping and also take the leftovers home?

Johnny: I use it to patch the cracks in my driveway; it lasts for years.