Newspaper Ad:

"Attractive kitten seeks position in someone's lap. Will do light mouse work."

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were debating whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said: “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Similarly when I get good cards, the dealer isn’t responsible. So why should I tip him?”

The dealer countered: “When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?”

“Er, yes.”

“Well, he serves you food, and I’m serving you cards, so you should tip me.”

“Fair enough,” said the player, “but the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight...”

Teacher: Railroad crossing at the track. How many R's in that?

Little Johnny: There are no R's in 'that'.

One day two friends were talking when the conversation was getting serious.

Friend 1: "So, tell me. How do you feel?"

Friend 2: "Well, with my fingers."