Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 2 seconds...

But instead I'm going to run it over 100 times with my vacuum at different angles.

How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who wants to know?!?!

One morning my wife asked our four-year-old son, Jud, what he wanted for breakfast.

”Soup,” he said.

“Son, we don’t eat soup for breakfast. We eat soup for lunch. So what would you like for breakfast?”

“Lunch,” he replied.